Oh, Comedy. You slay me.

In recent news:

I chopped off all of my hair.

Sent a 12″ ponytail to Locks of Love but sort of wished I had sent it here, instead. All in all, I got rid of about fifteen inches of hair. I like it though, it does require a bit more maintenance than my previously long locks. No more rolling out of bed, pulling it all up into a messy bun and running out the door which, also, probably a good thing. I’m almost thirty, I should probably start doing my hair every day.

I disabled my online dating profile for about two weeks. I needed to cleanse my palate. In a fit of insomnia last night, I reactivated it. Because of the stupid rules, OkCupid won’t let me disable it for a week, so I figured what the hell, I’ll send out a couple of emails and see what becomes of it.

I sent one email to a man who I don’t find myself particularly attracted to, but he sounds interesting and funny and like someone I would get along with. He’s also a serious runner, so maybe I can find someone who will come to my house, make me put on shoes and go running with. I sent another to a man that I think I might actually be pretty interested in. He’s a teacher, though I’m not clear on what subject. From the looks of his profile, he’s fairly well put together — a home owner, drives a Jeep (BOYS IN JEEPS! BOYS IN JEEPS!), and writes, blogs, takes pictures and loves swing dancing. He’s also cute in a slightly bearded, slightly balding, manly kind of way. I will keep you up to date on all the pressing dating news as it unfolds… Or at least until I get fed up and disable my account (again) in a week.

OH, and the comedy. Lawd. Remember this guy? We had one date which was kind of awesome, even though he was wearing Vibram Five Fingers in a bar at night. After our great date, I didn’t hear from him for ten days, at which point I got a text that said, “Where’s the party?” on a Wednesday night. Needless to say, I wasn’t amused. Then I went to the beach for a week, came home and spent the next weekend in NC, then had the boy child the following weekend. All this time, he’s texting me for a day or something and then four…five…six days goes by and then he starts texting again. It’s clear to me that this dude is just texting me when he’s bored. It should also be noted, not ONCE during our entire exchange did he actually CALL me. FML, dude. For real.

The last time I “talked” to him, I basically said, “Do you have any intention of actually asking me out on another date?” He stammered out some sort of reply like, “Well, you were out of town… and I….” Blah blah. He asked me, “Am I too laid back about this?” And I replied, “I suppose I’m just used to men who are interested actually acting like they’re interested.” At this point, I’m pitching the idea of dating this coward and just mentally done.

Then I just ignored his texts. No sense in beating a dead horse. But sure enough, another week goes by and my phone is bloop-blooping and there’s another text from him. FUCK, dude. So, he realizes that I’m not going to reply to his texts, you’d think the next logical step would be a phone call. But no, he reverts BACK to the initial contact reference and emails me on the fucking dating site.

/facepalm

Hiya

Hey good lookin’ whatcha got cookin’

Sorry haven’t been in touch lately, got back from CO and have been stupid busy. How have you been?

Hey good lookin’? Whatcha got cookin? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! But I take a step back, reeeeeeeel the bitch back in a bit and decide to reply.

I’ve been alright. Battling what feels like strep but keeps coming back negative on strep tests. I haven’t been able to adequately swallow for five days. Sucks.

How was your trip?

And then… Guess what… A WEEK GOES BY WITH NO REPLY. Fuck my life. No, actually FUCK HIS LIFE. [insert random growling/pouting/grunting noises here]

So, the bitch took over… And I sent him this reply nine days later.

dude… you are baffling.

i’m not interested in this little charade or dance or game or whatever is happening here.

i would appreciate it if you would just not bother contacting me again. i keep thinking you’re about to redeem yourself, perhaps live up to the kind of guy you were on our first date, but it’s just this cyclical rotation of contact-disappear-contact-disappear.

either you’re not that into me but you get bored/lonely/fill-in-the-blank and then you contact me or you’re actually trying to play games or something.

it’s stupid. i’m not interested.

So, here’s the funny part. As you recall, I reactivated my OkCupid account today and guess who keeps peeping my profile? AUUUUGHHHHH.

Grow a pair of mother fucking balls, man.

And also? That hat in your main profile image? It’s stupid. You can’t pull it off.

Mercy, I’m a mean ol’ cunt sometimes, right?

The boy child is home for one more week and then off to his dad’s for THREE ENTIRE WEEKS. I’m not really sure what I’m going to do with myself. I’d like to say that I’m going to be OUT and living it up, but with finances the way they are, I’m probably going to be home, lounging and shit. I have some loose plans to go visit HSD for a weekend at the end of the month, but as of yet, I can’t gauge if he’s entertaining the idea or we’ve actually got plans. He seems like he wants me to come, but when it’s come up in conversation, he’s always like, “What dates were those again?” or some such bullshit. Who knows.

I can feel myself nearing my limit on patience with him and that whole situation. I am just not hard wired to have a casual relationship with someone for a long period of time. I’d like to be because, boy, is he ever fun. And I’m proud of myself because I have yet to revert back to the whole, “Well, DOES he want to be with me? Could this relationship go somewhere?” place, but I know I’m nearing capacity in regards to how much time I want to dedicate to him. I mean, I can’t expect myself to be able to have the clarity of mind, not to mention actually time in my schedule, to dedicate to another man if I’m entertaining things with HSD, right? Eventually, I’m going to have to just shut this door altogether and not let him back in.

One of my friends, Mac, believes that HSD and I will end up together. “There’s got to be a reason that you two keep getting back together!” And I’m all, “Um, sure. It’s the hot, hot secksssss.” She thinks that we’re going to end up gradually in some sort of relationship together and grow old together or something. I think she just wants to continue to hear my accounts of the aforementioned hot, hot secks. Ultimately, HSD and I don’t really have much in common with each other — I can’t, for the life of me, imagine what it would be like dating someone with such intensely opposite political and spiritual beliefs than me. And of course, there’s also the whole, “Would I ever trust him?” thing. Mac even used the term, “Falling in love” and I laughed and said, “No way dude. There will be no falling. EVAR.” Live and learn. I’ve already been hurt twice with this joker, opening myself up to the possibility of us being together and eventually being crushed under the disappointment of his complete lack of commitment. Not going to willingly go there again.

I think the good thing about the situation with HSD right now is that I’m no longer trying to convince myself of all the ways that we could make things work — that was me last year. Right now, I’m just shaking my head and hoping it doesn’t come up in conversation with him… Let’s ignore this giant elephant in the room as long as we can, okay?

I can tell though, in my personal reflection, that extended periods of time where I dedicate any amount of time or energy towards something that isn’t as dedicated to me, I feel drained. Tired. In a funk. So, I know… it’s almost time for it all to be over again.