N00bcation, Day 1

There are landmark days in everyone’s lives… Days when you do something you’ve never done before…

Today was one such day for me for today, I took my son on vacation.

Seriously, it doesn’t seem like THAT big of a deal but my son is eight year old and I have never been on a vacation, just me and him… It’s always been the two of us with my parents or my best friend or something. I’ve always been in such a financial bind that I’ve never been able to afford to even take the time off from work, much less afford to PAY for a trip.

This is one of the benefits of moving home last October. I’ve been able to dig out of debt and squirrel money away so that we can do something fun… So that we can make memories! So yes, treasure. Big deal. Huge deal. ‘uge even.

This afternoon, we left our sweet little Atlanta and voluntarily climbed into a metal tube hurtling through the sky a bajillion miles an hour. We landed in Philadelphia. I’m very proud of the two of us… We found our hotel shuttle without trouble… We found our hotel easily (and it’s cute! and nice! and right next to Rittenhouse Square!). We threw our stuff down and recharged (and recharged my phone – Contrary to what they tell you, if you accidentally leave your phone on when the plane takes off, it won’t crash. Woops.). Then we went and got pizza, noms. Froyo, noms. Then walked around Rittenhouse Square. Took pictures, acted like silly tourists.

Man, I love spending time with this kid.

Tomorrow is the highlight of this trip. We’re taking the Chinatown Bus from Philly to NYC and then staying overnight in a hotel in the West Village, The Jane. On the agenda for tomorrow: The American Museum of Natural History, traipse around a bit, dinner somewheres, traipse around a bit, Times Square for the M&Ms Store (seriously, this might be the kid’s only must-have event, lol) and then, hopefully, by then it’ll be dark. I want to buy something from a street food vendor and I want to walk around a fully lit-up Times Square with my kidlet and show him how big the world can really be…

But in order to do all of THAT… I had to print our tickets. So we slid our shoes back on and went downstairs to the business center and found…

This…

This… Asshole.

Of course, I know I’m an impatient person. I know that I exaggerate. I do… I realize this! So I took this picture after we had been waiting at least ten minutes (take that with a grain of salt, it was probably more like five). You can’t tell in this picture, but he was checking his Yahoo email account and clicked through to a big blinking spammy website that was encouraging him to “Man Up” and try this new testosterone medication. It boasted more power than that “little blue pill…”

Mind you… His BACK IS FACING A GLASS DOOR THAT FACES THE ENTIRE HOTEL LOBBY.

Douche. Stupid douche.

So, I’m irritated that we have to wait. I literally have to open my email, print a few tickets, and then be done. Two minutes, tops… Then I thought, maybe he hasn’t seen us… Right? So we open the door, I mumble something about, “Oh, I guess it’s just one computer here…” And then we retreat back to the lobby thinking, SURELY, he’s going to go, “Oh dang, let me get up. Someone needs to use this computer.”

Does that happen?

DOES IT?

Nope. He decides that he needs to google “New York State Lottery.” I ask Harrison to count to sixty out loud so that I KNOW that I’ve waited a full minute. The man clicks back through to his Yahoo inbox. Nope, you stupid feather-haired redneck… You haven’t received any pressing emails in the last ten minutes of internet HOGGING.

So after the kid finishes counting… I’m done. I’m just d-o-n-e done. I’m not going to stand around waiting and being polite. This is Philafuckingdelphia. I’m going to New Damn York tomorrow. Stand up FOR YOURSELF WOMAN!

So I open the door and the kid and I crowd into this room that is the size of a closet and stand RIGHT BEHIND THIS MAN.

Does this added pressure cause him to get up? To stop mindlessly clicking around the internet? To ignore the “Please be mindful of others” sign?

Nope. We wait another solid two minutes. He turns and said, “You need to use this?”

I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY, I ALMOST THROAT PUNCHED HIM.

I pictured it in my head, in slow motion. I thought about how satisfying it would be to actually hurt myself on his thick, stupid jaw.

Then he got up and we sat down in the chair. It was warm. Gross.

Printed the tickets and got up from the computer in less than two minutes.

… He was waiting outside to get back on the computer!

DUDE. Live a little. Jesus.

Ok… Bedtime. Gotta get up early tomorrow morning to make sure we have enough time at the Reading Terminal Market before we head into the big city! Woot woot!

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