So, I had a client come into the shop this past Tuesday evening, kind of late, like thirty minutes before closing time. He was starting a website-based tshirt company and, in addition to wanting me to design his logo, he had several ideas for tshirts that he wanted me to design.
He wanted an illustrated logo design and we discussed the details of how he wanted it to look, but when it came time to discuss the cost of such a design, he balked. He told me that his budget would only be a third of that, if that much. So we discussed having just a text based logo, how it’s much more versatile and much cheaper from the design-end. He was happy with that but then he described how he wanted the text to have a camouflage fill-in, good god. I gagged, but whatever, it’s his design, I’m game.
He asked me if he would get the logo proof the next day — mind you, there are only 30 minutes left in my day. I told him that I did not work on Wednesdays, but would get him a proof on Thursday afternoon.
He calls on Thursday morning, inquiring about his proof, and I told him that I should have one for him later that afternoon. I emailed him the proof, left work, and went over to Nanners’ house for dinner and Grey’s Anatomy.
La de dah, we had a lovely night. Stayed up late talking and talking and talking. I get home around 2am and have JUST received an email from him. I shit you not – he sent it at 12:45. It said:
Are you serious?, no from 1 to 10 this is -5 sorry,i want to back too the original idea, logo design instead of just a frase or name
Wow. Ok… So, clearly, english is not his native language and what is even MORE clear is that he is so dissatisfied with my proof that he gives me a NEGATIVE FIVE. He went on to describe the details of the logo (he gave me five descriptive word).
But whatever, I thought to myself, “Let’s just sit back down and revisit it and go back through my notes and see where I have so clearly missed the mark.”
Not two minutes after I decided to take the high road, I get this email from him:
Logo Design Checklist, hello, i find this on internet hope , it help me to let you know more about my logo
- Is the logo for the company or a product? My logo is for a Company
- What is the overall mood of the company? FAITH VERSUS NEGATIVE IMAGEN
- Playful?
- Serious? ………………………….. Very serious
- Ultra-professional?
- Should the logo reflect the mood of the company or is it stand-alone? reflect the mood
- Do you envision something techy or more organic? ………………….OPEN
- Any colors you have in mind? ………………………..open
- What is the primary product of the company? …………..SMALL RADIO CONTROL HELICOPTERS
- What are the demographics of your customers? ………….KIDS , YOUNG PERSONS
- Who is your competition? ……………………………ANY TOY STORES
- Where will the logo appear on a product? ……………..T-SHIRT, PEN, MUGS, MEMBERS SHEETS,ETC
- Letterhead?
- Business cards?
- Television?
- All of the above?
- What is the purpose of the logo? …………………LOGO HAS TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A GLADIATOR
Ok, now… This is just condescending. Thanks, client, for showing me how to be a graphic designer. You may recall, however, that we sat down on Tuesday and had a consultation where we covered these details. You didn’t mention anything about the helicopters though, but that may just be because they were currently in the sky, circling like gladiators. At two o’clock in the morning.
I do appreciate your reiteration of the whole gladiator thing though. Gosh, before you used all capitals and changed the text color to red, I was unclear as to what that meant. Now it’s all clear.
What the hell is it about people that makes them think that graphic design is easy? If it was that easy, you wouldn’t have come to me in the first place. Secondly, just because you own a copy of MS Paint or Power Point, this doesn’t mean you’re a designer. EVEN FURTHER — you can shell out the money for the entire Creative Suite, but guess what, dipshit? You are not a designer.
Oh and another thing – fuck you.
When I got to work on Friday morning, I told daddy about the situation. He’s usually one of those the-customer-is-always-right types and it is EXHAUSTING. I am not cut out for sales the way that he is — I’m always trying to be logical and reasonable and nine times out of ten, if a customer is wrong, it’s because they’re wrong. You know?
Anyway, daddy tells me that he thinks I should go ahead and drop him as a client.
…
That was fucking liberating. I mean, I had considered it, but I didn’t think he would offer that up as a solution.
So, I sent an email to the client:
I think you would be best suited to find another graphic designer for your project. Please come by the store at your convenience to receive a refund of your deposit.
His reply?
Well, gosh. Of course it was JUST as professional as a 2am unwarranted bitch slap.
OK FINE. I WILL.
Ahhh…. peace out, dude.
