I say… I say… I say there’s a vagina in my mouth!

I have never understood the appeal of the super zoom in the vajayjay during porn. I mean, sure, vaginas are slightly more interesting to look at than penises, but ultimately, you’re looking at someone’s genitalia. Frankly, if you don’t love the person attached to the cooter or the wang, it’s downright not pretty.

I went to the doctor today and GUESS WHAT? Don’t play stupid. You read the title of this post. There is a vagina in my mouth.

See for yourself (putting this behind the cut……even though technically, it’s just the back of my swollen throat and NOT in fact a vagina, but whatevs. Somebody could get fired for this shit and I’m SENSITIVE TO YOUR NEEDS, jackass):

is that um

What? You’re trying to tell me you don’t see it?! Oh for cryin’ out loud.

Here:

i think it's a vagina Now do you see? With the little addition of some not-so-short and curlies? There, now I’m happy. You’re disgusted and we’re both running our tongues on the insides of our mouths trying to find pubic hairs back near our molars. GOD. Isn’t that the worse??’

Seriously though, went to the doctor and she took one look at my throat and said, “Woah. Your throat is a mess.”

Yea, thanks lady. So glad you went to school for ten years to tell me something as intricate as that morsel of knowledge. After my exam, she came back with the prescription and asked if she could see my throat again — not because she was concerned about a misdiagnosis, but because she was genuinely SHOCKED at what horrible shape my tonsils and throat were in.

I had my mom take this picture for me which, looks considerably LESS like a vagina, but still… I mean, a little bit. It kind of looks like a wet little clitoris, right? Oh fuck it, if you don’t recognize it by now, you’re not going to (this goes for both my picture and ACTUAL clitorises everywhere.)

So, I’m groggeh, got some meds and am headed to napsville. Later skaters.