Today was shitty. Absolutely horrible.
Dealing with the stupidest client ever. I lost my shit. I blew up at my dad.
I remember stamping my feet and screaming. Lots of crying.
We worked it out. I am so grateful for a daddy that loves me and is always willing to apologize first. I only hope that one day I’ve got the kind of heart that can demonstrate love like that.
After work, had a screaming fight with the exhusband on the phone over the boy child. Nothing new — it’s just that now that he’s finally on board with what I’ve been discussing for six months, I’m expected to do things his way. He’s stubborn. I’m stubborn. We’re both fighting tooth and nail for the same thing — the very best for the boy. We just see things from two separate planets.
While I was outside on the phone, the boy child comes downstairs in tears. He accidentally locked us out of the apartment. Bless his heart, “I’m in trouble.”
Well, yes. But, no baby. No… It’s a simple mistake. Walked in the house, dropped my purse and keys and went right outside to continue the phone call. He came to check on me — he knew we were fighting — and then, we’ve all had that moment. Right after you shut the door, the panic pounds into your heart like a hammer — THE KEYS!?
The locksmith came. He was nice as could be. And fairly cheap. And fast.
So we got in the house shortly after 9pm. I shuffle the boy in the shower. Throw some ramen on the stove and one of those microwave-in-the-bag vegetables in… Lay down on the couch with my laptop in my lap. Feeling heavy and tired and emotionally spent.
And then I get this text:
“I would give anything to be with you tonight.”
That’s the kind of stuff that modern day love stories are made of, right?
So, yes… There’s this boy. He lives far away… Way farther than I thought I would take seriously. He’s smart and kind and thoughtful and he’s able to pull off this sensitive, adorable thing without sacrificing any of his masculine energy. Manergy.
I’m swooning. A little at a time. Trying as I might to be cautious. Long distance? From the start? It’s the stupidest thing I could do, right?
And then, I get this text:
“If it were easy, everyone would do it and it wouldn’t be worthwhile.”
FUCK. What do you say to that other than, “Come get me!”
Come rescue me off this couch and pull me into your arms and snuggle me and stroke my hair and let my tears wet your shirt and don’t even care about it.
I’m really not sure I’ve ever felt like this before. It’s scary and stomach-churning and wonderful and exciting.
Super, duper scary.
Want. Super want.
No related posts.
OK as someone who is still getting over the dashed hopes and dreams of a *very* long-distance …. thing, I’d like to say: RUN, don’t walk away. Unless you both have large quantities of expendable cash, it’s heartbreak on toast. As he said to me once in great frustration and depression, ‘every hug, every touch, requires a flight plan’. You have to decide at the way wrong time in the relationship whether you’d both be willing to move to the other, which is backwards and puts pressure on things instead of letting them flow. You have to go everywhere alone, which is like being single, without any of the benefits of being single, such as being open to a new person. You go for long periods without the casual, everyday physical touch and affection which for me is as important as sex.
Honestly, it can be a great and large and wonderful love, but without the cash to go back and forth a LOT, it becomes a soul-deadening source of loneliness and sexual frustration. Ask everyone you know if they know anyone who has pulled it off, and then inquire as to how often they saw each other while apart (and how long), and exactly how “apart” they were. I think you’ll see that the pattern is either that they are OK with long periods of no in person contact, or they had enough resources and time to visit often. Neither one of those was true in my case – I simply need the physical contact on a regular basis, and so did he. Then there’s the whole artificiality of how you are together when you have to wait so long between visits, even if you know this ahead of time and try to remain as low key as you can – it’s still such an EVENT to see and touch them, it can’t help but hold far too large significance beyond what it maybe deserves.
RUN. I almost missed an even better match, right here, because I wasted almost 2 years on the LD thing, that I thought was the only match I’d *ever* make. No one else could get me so well … Pah. What I also realized is maybe we aren’t as ground-shakingly unique as we’d like to imagine, and there are lots of people out there who would fit. We just aren’t willing to see them. I got tired of the cowboys and rednecks, and wrote off everyone local.
RUN.
Clearly, the guy is a prince. One question, and I apologize in advance for harshing your mellow: do either of you have plans, or the ability, to relocate? Don’t know what your sitch is like with the ex, but I would think you’d be tied to your general metro area. Plus, I know that you adore your general metro area. Which leads me to…is the prince able/interested in relocating to your hood?
Love love love this guy, and love how he makes you feel.
I think a friend of mine summed it up best: “I want the relationship to be organic…”
After all, relationships don’t have to be inherently or immediately serious, you just have to see where it goes. And all people are different. But yes, clearly this guy is a prince. And not the “Party Like It’s 1999″ Prince, either.
Virtual hugs, Jammipants.
Both my first husband & my current one started out as long distance relationships. It can be good or bad. The bad: there is the tendency that, when you are together, you are always in a sort of honeymoon period and it can be hard to get a real view of the other person. Also, there is the temptation to take things a lot faster than you otherwise would in order to be together. The good: distance can make it easier to do things slowly. You have virtually no choice but to talk, so you can get into some deep discussions. And it’s just fun.
Really, it can go either way. Just like any other relationship. Hope you have fun with it, Jami.