1. I am not nearly as tough as I thought. Sure, the New Yorkers that I ran into were nice — especially when in a one-on-one situation. But between the absolute panic that was pulsating through my body and the tryin’-to-look-hard thing I was doing so I didn’t appear lost or scared, I realized in there that I was just not tough. All I wanted to do when I was in Times Square was look up to the heavens, pray to the baby Jesus that he would not only freeze time for a moment, but would also send a heavenly helicopter to airflight us THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Instead, we had to hoof it for several blocks trying to find our way out of there.

2. I am not a city girl. Well, not a BIG city girl. I sparkly-heart Atlanta and I really am much more myself when I’m in an area where everything is super close and accessible. I don’t like having to drive fifteen minutes to get to the grocery store and I don’t ever want to live in farm land. I thought this made me a city girl. But I am not one… Sorry to disappoint you all. Devon made a good point to me today, “You are in your settling down space, in your Saturn Return… It makes sense that New York didn’t woo you right now.” A few years ago, I probably would have taken to it effortlessly. Instead, I feel like I never want to go back there again.

3. Being short in NYC puts you at a particularly unfortunate disadvantage. I couldn’t get a cab, I couldn’t get respect. People were running over Harrison left and right. Like, SERIOUSLY! THAT’S MY KID, ASSHOLES.

4. I spent 24 hours in the city and I could already tell that it was chipping away at my sunshiney heart. Now, right… Okay, okay. So maybe I don’t have a real sunshiney heart. But I felt noticeable more gruff, more rude and more bent out of shape than I have felt in a long time.

5. Do not go into the M & Ms store in Times Square. No matter how much your child begs you. DO NOT. Sure, you can get this awesome rainbow of M & Ms, that’s cool. But it’s $12/POUND! They give you these giant bags — like the size you’d get for two pounds of whole bean coffee — and if you filled it up, it would easily be five or six pounds of candy. The people in there were… AGGRESSIVE. Probably the rudest I came across. And it is WALL TO WALL people and shit every where. And the best part? Cyndi Lauper and Prince busting through the speakers and near-deafening levels. Seriously?

6. Don’t stare at the rats in the subway. Don’t talk about them either. If your super-comfy sneakers (how in the WORLD are women walking around the city in heels?) and your backpack aren’t giving you away as a tourist, talking about the rats in the subway will do the trick. The kid loved them, thought they were cute and wanted to give me the play-by-play of their activities as they scurried along the puddles and into the cracks and crevasses under the tracks.

7. Don’t pack a rolling suitcase. Actually, don’t pack much at all. In all my ins and outs on the train, I never saw an escalator or an elevator. What do all the handicapped people do in NYC? Or the old people? Or the people with stupid, over-stuffed rolling suitcases? Lugging that motherfucker up stairs was NOT.FUN.AT.ALL. If I ever do this again, I’d rather re-wear shirts and stink a little than over-pack. Seriously.

8. My son might be tougher than me. He was completely at ease in the city… Totally not bothered by the tsunami of people pushing and pulling at you, threatening to pull you under the surface. I was gripping his hand like nobody’s business partly because I was so afraid of losing him in that great big place but also because I NEEDED AN ANCHOR. And he was fine. Loved it, even. Thought Times Square was one of the most fun places EVER. I’m still a little twitchy from the experience.

9. My experience is a bit tainted because it was a) my first time and b) I had my son with me. If I ever manage to summon the courage to go to NYC again, I will do it without my child and I will go and stay with a friend. I will also stay VERY, VERY far away from crowds. VERY.

10. Don’t tell cab drivers where you’re going before you get in their cabs. Just get the fuck in and THEN tell them where you want to go. Mo’fo, if I’m willing to pay you $12 to drive me fifteen blocks, you need to just do it. Dammit.

11. Stay with friends. Hotels are STUPID expensive in NYC. Even if you have to go stay out in Queens or the Bronx or Brooklyn and hoof it into the city to do all the things you want to do, it’s worth it. Hotels are nice and all, but I prefer coming “home” to somebody, especially after the city beat me up all day.

12. Make your itinerary and then crumple it up and throw it away. Yes, I think I saved time by buying some of our tickets ahead of time (at the Museum of Natural History) but we never ended up making it to the Empire State Building and you have to buy those tickets for the day you’re trying to go — so, money wasted. Figure out what is the MOST important thing that you want to do and make it happen. Don’t plan to do more than two or three things a day. It will take you almost as long to GET there as you will spend there.

13. If you start in Philly, take the Chinatown bus. There’s a few to choose from and tickets are HELLA cheap. We were able to get seats on a nearly empty bus to NYC for only $10. It only took us an hour and a half and we left Philly around noon.

14. DO NOT TAKE THE CHINATOWN BUS FROM NY. It is the stupidest, most competitive thing I’ve ever seen. I was not able to get a seat NEXT to my own freakin’ son and none of the heartless assholes on the entire bus were willing to give up their precious window seat so that I could sit with him. Instead, we sat across an aisle from each other (could have been worse, I know, but dammit!) and he kept looking at me with sad little, “OMG MOM I WANT YOU” eyes the entire time. It also took us about two and a half hours AND the train takes you to Canal Street and you have to walk TEN BLOCKS THROUGH CHINATOWN to get to where the buses pick you up to take you back to Philly. NOT WORTH IT.

15. Bring twice as much money as you think you’re going to need to spend. Trust me. Everything is more expensive and, if that wasn’t enough, the fucking taxes in Manhattan were enough to send me into shock. Have a back-up plan (savings account or friend to mooch off of a bit) or you will dry up all your resources.

16. Skip the Central Park Zoo. Seriously, lamest zoo ever. We waited in line as long we spent in the zoo — max, a half an hour, 45 minutes. DO the Museum of Natural History and plan to spend about five hours there. We only had about three, I regret not getting to see everything.

17. Give yourself time to just walk around little outlying boroughs and explore. We did this a little bit over on the east side of Central Park and it was really beautiful. I wish we had done this in more neighborhoods. New York is really a beautiful place if you stop looking at things right in front of your face and start looking at the buildings.

I’ve got a lot more to write about this trip… This adventure, really… But I’m exhausted and cranky and really needing a solid night’s sleep. More soon.

I saw this on Gawker.com today… and my god. It’s… It’s amazing.

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

This was filmed between 4th and 11th April 2011. I had the pleasure of visiting El Teide.
Spain´s highest mountain @(3715m) is one of the best places in the world to photograph the stars and is also the location of Teide Observatories, considered to be one of the world´s best observatories.

The goal was to capture the beautiful Milky Way galaxy along with one of the most amazing mountains I know El Teide. I have to say this was one of the most exhausting trips I have done. There was a lot of hiking at high altitudes and probably less than 10 hours of sleep in total for the whole week. Having been here 10-11 times before I had a long list of must-see locations I wanted to capture for this movie, but I am still not 100% used to carrying around so much gear required for time-lapse movies.

A large sandstorm hit the Sahara Desert on the 9th April (bit.ly/?g3tsDW) and at approx 3am in the night the sandstorm hit me, making it nearly impossible to see the sky with my own eyes.

Interestingly enough my camera was set for a 5 hour sequence of the milky way during this time and I was sure my whole scene was ruined. To my surprise, my camera had managed to capture the sandstorm which was backlit by Grand Canary Island making it look like golden clouds. The Milky Way was shining through the clouds, making the stars sparkle in an interesting way. So if you ever wondered how the Milky Way would look through a Sahara sandstorm, look at 00:32.

I’m not sure I could be much happier right now. Long, extended weekend with the boyfriend and then the kidlet comes home after a week at the beach with his dad. He crawled into bed with me around 7:00 this morning, all snuggles and neck hugging and “I love you”s — it was wonderful.

He and I are going to NYC in a week and a half for our first little vacation together. I told him about what our plans were this morning while we snuggled and he screeched, “CAN WEEEEE RENT A FERRARI!?”

I laughed so hard. “No, baby.”

Boys are so silly.

Recently, I found the poem that I wrote, Whisper Singing… And it got me to thinking.

I emailed it to Colin with the message, “This is the first poem I wrote about you…” I wrote it in July… And I met him in November. But it is… I really do believe it’s about him. He and I talk all the time about how we met at the perfect time — even two months earlier would have not been the right time.

And this part:

And it makes me well up inside… Not because of the love that I have — as incredible as it is… But it reaffirms to me that everything happens for a reason. It’s so cliche, but it’s so true — especially for me.

I look back at parts of my life and I try to trace them back to their origins… I try to figure out what the formula was to create whatever sort of incredible thing.

It works for every part of my life.

I think about my son, first. He’s eight now and when I stop and try to think about the last eight years… I’m in absolute awe at how much has happened. There has been a lot of life lived, a lot of anguish, a lot of heartache, a lot of victories, a lot of failures. And I see his long eyelashes or his little bird-chest with his ribs pushing through his skin and I am thrown right back through my memories… I think back to that early pre-dawn Sunday morning, sitting in that dark apartment waiting to see what my pregnancy test said. I think about how I thought about abortion — I mean, I was a 20 year old doofus, on drugs, partying, about to be evicted from my apartment, wrapped up in a terribly dysfunctional co-dependent relationship with a man that never loved me… It could have all been different, but it’s this way because of the choices I made.

I mean, the multi-layered absolute chance encounter with Colin — it’s changed my life. Meeting him has set me on a path full of confidence and positivity… And all of the multitude of events that had to line themselves up so that he would be alone and I would be drunk enough to be daring… That he would be wearing the hat that caught my attention — the hat that his grandfather purchased likely fifty years ago — that sat in a box in a closet waiting for his head. That he would be the kind of man that would be ready to love me. That his life experience was such that he would be able to appreciate me in all my… Jami ways. I think about all the years of dating such losers — conditioning periods, I suppose, to show me what a real man is supposed to be like… So that when I found him, I would know. I know.

I feel like, in a lot of ways, Hollis and I have an undercurrent synapse that just connects. Maybe it’s because we’re both Scorpios. Maybe it’s because we’re both writers. Or mothers. Or bitches. I don’t know. Maybe it’s everything. But I think about my relationship with Hollis now — shit, I cried on Thursday night at the mexican restaurant telling her about where I’m at lately with writing and how I’m feeling resinspired and how I want to really start focusing on a book. And where did it start? What did I do to get so lucky to have a friend like this? I met her when I took her blogging class last year… Because of Date Wrecks… And I started Date Wrecks because I was dating online… Because I was single after the sociopath… So… I suppose I can thank the sociopath for where I’m at professionally? But meeting Hollis has set my life on this entirely new trajectory.

Shit… everything that happens has the potential to send me on a new trajectory, right?

The point here is that it’s all connected. Whatever sort of horrible shit you’re trudging through right now, know that your work is not without purpose. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be, in the most perfect time for you to be there. I don’t believe in God in terms of Sunday hats and choirs and tithing and all of that… But I think this whole epiphany lately is part of my spiritual journey. Because we’re not just all scattered around like confetti. There’s an order here… It’s almost like a rhythm.

If you sit long enough outside on a summer night, the song of the crickets and the frogs will eventually make a tune… The melodies fall in step with one another and it’s beautiful.

I finally hear my life’s rhythm. It’s the most incredible, beautiful song. And it’s mine… All mine. I don’t have to sit and wonder if something bad is going to happen. I don’t have to dread change or worry pointlessly about all the steps I must take…

I just need to close my eyes and move my body and my feet in time with my personal song… And I really do believe that everything else will line itself up.

Five months ago today, I made out with a stranger on the patio of a bar.

I haven’t been in a relationship for this long since… since… 2008…? Shit, I can’t remember.

Also? This is the happiest I’ve ever been. When I see Colin, I am filled with all kinds of disgusting sweet fluttery thoughts.

Little things happen all the time that remind me why he’s such an amazing boyfriend. This last week, he was really put through the ringer.

You see, the second week of recovery from having your tonsils removed is the worst. The pain from the huge cauterized portions of your throat has nearly subsided, as the underlying tissue begins to heal and the nerve endings simma’ down now.

Then the scabs start coming off and, if you can picture this, imagine sucking on the scabs on a child’s knees. [Read more...]

I’ve never been a terribly patient person… Couple that with the go-get-’em lifestyle of a single mother and I might just be one of the most impatient people on the planet.

When I  need things, I get. When something needs to be done, I do. When I have had enough, I stop.

I suppose all of this falls in line perfectly with one of my other vices: I’m a control freak.

What?! That’s right. Clutch your pearls, Sally. A Scorpio single mother that is a control freak. More on this story at six.

I’m feeling frustrated and impatient with the boyfriend. Well, not really HIM so much as his schedule. And my schedule. And how the two are just butting heads rather than sweetly spooning one another. I’d much rather be spooning.

I know I’m being a bit of a diva. I know a good portion of my frustration is coming from being cooped up in the house for nearly two weeks, in the bed, watching every season of Scrubs back to back to back to back. I know that I’m just hungry for some time out, in the city, bar hopping, being social. I know that I just need a date night, an opportunity to curl my hair and put on some makeup and earrings. I know this.

I do. I really do.

But frustrations with the now are only compounded when I think about what I want way over there… You know… My future. I want a cute little house with a front porch and a screen door. I want aprons in the kitchen and fuzzy rugs on the hardwood floors. I want to greet my wonderful man as he comes into our home with a nuzzle on his beard. I want to spend Sunday afternoons playing in the backyard with the kids, together… Family time.

I’m not sure I’ve ever felt such a pull for the traditional… The 2.5 kids and the picket fence and puppy dog. I remember years ago, when I was dating the sociopath, I really honestly felt like I never wanted to get married. I never wanted to deal with the stress of it all ever again. And, at the time, I really felt like I was being honest with myself.

And now? Seriously… I want to bake. I want to wear soft summer dresses and grow my hair out long again and twist the ends into soft, bendy curls with my fingers. I want to fluff pillows and curl up in fresh sheets with the security of my man’s arm around my hip and my little boy being the littlest spoon. I’m not sure why I’m feeling so … what is this? It’s not nostalgia… I’ve never had any of the things I’m craving.

But truth be told, it’ll be a year, at best, before any of these things will be able to even be spotted on the horizon. And, even truthier, I’m really not quite ready for all these things that I crave… But that doesn’t change the fact that I actually feel pangs of emotional hunger for them.

I love my life right now. I love the space that I am in… I do.

I just want to go lay in a hammock and sleepily squint into the sunshine and pretend that then is now…

“Oh, it’s pretty brutal. When I got mine out, I lost like fifteen pounds.”

“Oh, yea… It’s supposed to hurt a lot. You get to eat lots of ice cream though! Yay!”

I had my tonsils removed a week and a half ago. This surgery has been something that I have been waiting for like Christmas. You see, my snoring is… Bad.

Evidence (Recorded November 30th):

You can imagine how thrilled I was when I walked into my ENT’s office last fall, [Read more...]

Pressure on my chest, like someone was sitting right up on me… I couldn’t make a sound, try as I might. All I could manage was a couple of short, quick, pointless inhales which only worked to further put pressure on my lungs. What now? What now? What now? And then, as if someone had popped me with a pin, all the air rushed out of my chest. It wasn’t so much an exhale as an expulsion of air… And not just air — sound. Right now, the best I could explain it would be a groan… A whimpering groan that built up with the exhale and ended in that throaty, catchy thing that happens at the back of your throat when you’re about to sob uncontrollably. And then the silent shakes — if you didn’t see the previously described expulsion, it would appear I was laughing hysterically. But I was not.

I was freaking the fuck out. [Read more...]

I’m not very good at keeping my opinion to myself… Not when it really matters. If you’re in LOVE with that horrible shirt that makes you look like you’ve got one giant, wide tit perched atop your inner-tube belly, I’m not going to tell you it looks terrible… Not unless you try to wear it on a date or to an important client meeting or something. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter.

But if I think it’s important, I can’t keep my mouth shut. At least, as Anna says, I am “eloquent even when pissed.”

Since I’m not on my laptop presently, I’m just going to cut and paste the details rather than the screenshots of the status blasting I did today on Facebook.

It started with this:

Jami Oof, I’m all worked up. Ladies: attenshun! Yer bodies were made fer birthin’! That is all.

And then, my sister chimes in with:

Julie lol…

Uhh… What is she laughing at? Probably that she realizes the shitstorm that is about to occur on my status. [Read more...]

We had such an incredible weekend, man. My parents watched the boy on Friday night while I stole away for a date with The Sous. We met one of his best guy friends at a bar and had a hilarious evening of ball-busting and espresso stouts and goofing off. Then, I popped over to my sister’s house and picked up all of her kids (AND DROVE A MINIVAN!), swung by the shop where my dad had the boy and we all headed home. Me + two seven years olds + one five year old + one almost two year old = NUTS! Super fun nuts, but nuts just the same.

All the kids spent the night and I ended up with a boy on one side of me and a sweet, not-quite-a-baby-anymore little girl with her arms linked around my neck for most of the night. I forgot how special it is to sleep in the same bed with a baby. (No, I’m not hankering for another one… yet)

Then Sunday, I took the boy to Comic Con. [Read more...]

This is the beginning of the fourth week with my son, uninterrupted by visitation with his father, thanks to getting Thanksgiving weekend which wasn’t part of my regularly scheduled time with him.

Thanksgiving shirt and tie (by his own choice) complete with temporary neck tattoo.

In years past, long stretches like this were really hard. I’m sure part of it was that he was younger and harder to handle… Less able to communicate and more able to, um…  bang on things and make little boy noises. But right now, this stretch? This has been one of the greatest months on record.

We haven’t even really DONE much either, just a lot of spending time together… Getting our rhythms in sync. It’s been really beautiful and I can tell that the both of us are just more at peace and calmer an happier. [Read more...]

It’s an interesting thing to reflect on a post title like that one… A year ago, something with a title like that would be full of complaining and bullshit and groaning and lots of gnashing of teeth.

But today… Was pretty awesome. [Read more...]