Listen you broad-backed, fat-backed redneck! If you spent less time eyeballing the candy selection and more time listening to me, you’d understand that I’m not some swindling car salesman trying to upsell you on fucking postage.

What you asked for was tracking. What you want, since by your smell, I can tell that you likely don’t have the extra income to pay for things like soap and running water, is the “cheapest option” which doesn’t include tracking.

No. Shipping with the post office won’t give you tracking.  You can purchase Delivery Confirmation for an additional charge but it isn’t tracking. Watch my mouth as I say this — it should be easier than watching your mouth as your yellowed and strangely spaced teeth are a bit distracting — DELIVERY CONFIRMATION IS JUST A CONFIRMATION OF DELIVERY. See what I did there with the context clues of the god damned word?

Two suggestions for you: when someone that works in a professional capacity tries to help you, don’t suck your rotten teeth at them and try to tell them how to do their job. You don’t do this for a living. I do. Shut your damn mouth.

I love how you nickel and dime about how much tracking costs (a difference of $4) when you scoop four candy bars up in your sausage fingers. I got a peek at your black encrusted nails. Thanks for that. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my appetite for the remainder of the week. Bikini body, here I come!