At my wits end

No news on the roommate situation.

Two of the jobs that I found were for the freakin Examiner… fucking scam organization that rapes and exploits writers.

House is less of a mess, but still a mess.

I just want to put my head in someone’s lap and have a good solid cry and get my hair stroked.

I am tired. Yes, I know everything will end up okay. Everything always works out. I am just nearly at the end of my rope.

I bought cigarettes. Fail. I always fall back on cigarettes when I am stressed… so what is another few weeks/months? I just feel like there are so many more important things to worry about right now.

Still upset with my mom. My sister, bless her, she’s trying to help us meet in the middle. I know that I am not without blame here, but I just need my mother to quit viewing me as a child. Yes, my life is a bit of a mess – it isn’t ALWAYS like this. It won’t ALWAYS be like this. I am trying my best and would like to not be judged or skewered for making mistakes.

Sometimes it’s not realistic to worry about being happy, healthy, in love and in order. Sometimes its all I can do to ensure that we’ve got food in our bellies and a roof over our heads. That’s okay. This is my reality. Eventually, things will balance back out.

They have to.