Please watch this film

It might be one of my most favorite things in a very long time.

(more…)

Hello, this is Grampa Dildo. Do I have any mail?

(more…)

My first time

I’d like to tell you about the first time I had sex, but honestly, I don’t remember it… Not because I was in a drug-addled haze or because I had been date raped or something like that, but honestly because (more…)

I could have been on Maury.

I was on the phone with the newest boy the other night and we’re swapping stories of our past, slowly mapping out each other’s history. I really love the beginning of a new relationship with someone — maybe it’s because it appeals to the inner egomaniac in me because I’m given an opportunity to talk about myself for long periods of time.

Don’t get me wrong — I love to talk. About anything really, but talking about myself is something I’m pretty damn good at. But it’s not just the talking, I do enjoying the listening part, too.

I think his question was something along the lines of, “So what was it about your exhusband that had to so hooked?”

I remember laughing. (more…)

Three Minutes

I found this recently and decided to throw it up here. I think I wrote this in 2008, but I can’t really remember.

He sat on the oversized dusty blue couch, elbows resting on his knees. His gaze was fixed on his bare feet as his toes wrestled with one another. His head lay in his palms, heavy with thought. She paced in front of him creating impressions in the freshly vacuumed carpet. Back and forth, she moved like a metronome. Three minutes. The box said to wait three minutes. The tension in the room was palpable. It was almost as if they were situated underwater, every movement seemed to be slow and deliberate. (more…)

Adventures In Online Help

So, I uploaded a file to my printer’s website today for a client. Well, actually I uploaded six files for three jobs and only one of those jobs was giving me grief.

Initially, the file was too big. I had to fix the photographs included in the file and finally got that straightened out and then, when I uploaded, the Instant Online Proof showed this NEON LIME GREEN in all the places that it should have been Kelly Green.

PANIC AT THE DISCO! (more…)

I can’t even sum this up in a title

Today was shitty. Absolutely horrible.

Dealing with the stupidest client ever. I lost my shit. I blew up at my dad.

I remember stamping my feet and screaming. (more…)

Like Whisper Singing

-jh

05.29.10

Best Night EVER

I met Hollis Gillespie tonight.

If you’re not familiar with Hollis, you need to get it crackin’. She’s one of my most favorite columnists here in Atlanta. I’ve been reading her column since I discovered that there was a world outside of my neighborhood, in my late teens.

She’s awesome… hilarious! And I realized tonight, also a Scorpio. I knew there was a bigger reason why I loved this woman.

She signed the book I bought tonight.

She said, “How do you spell your name?”

I replied, “J-A-M-I.”

She looked up at me, in disbelief and said, “Are you sure?”

We all had a good laugh. Krims and his girlfriend met me downtown tonight and we had a blast. Traipsing around to art galleries, sharing ice cream and splashing around in the rainstorm.

Beautiful night.

I hooked up with Grant Henry tonight as well at the Elliot Street Pub. It’s one of those magical bars that nobody knows about unless you already know about it. I will be going back there again soon and bringing friends.

I am high on life tonight. Feeling inspired and positive and happy and motivated.

Here’s a video of the street performers that capped off the evening before Grant gave me a ride on the front of his scooter back to my car:

God damn it, I just love Atlanta. I never want to live anywhere else.

I may need to go get my rain boots on.

Because thus-far, this has been one of the grossest days I can recall.

It started this morning. I woke up and had intense visuals from my dream. As I thought about it and processed it, more of it came back to me.

Begin dream sequence (more…)