Reasons why being single is awesome

So, because my Mema passed away last week, I had to pull my little black dress from the back of my closet and I realized that I was going to have to buy a pair of pantyhose to wear with it. I LOATHE pantyhose. They’re constricting and uncomfortable and the waistbands always roll down and the crotch always finds a way to sag a bit. I’m short you guys — like, 4′ 11 3/4″ tall. I’m pretty certain that the Oompa Loompas were taller than me. At least I have more attractive skin.

Finding pantyhose to fit me has always been super hard… Even before I was, erm… Plump. My inseam is about as long as a loaf of french bread and my thighs have always touched. And my ass? Let’s not get started there. I’m fully stocked in the junk-in-the-trunk arena. So the combination of being not stick-thin and really fucking short has always made shopping of any kind difficult. I can hem pants and skirts and dresses, but what the fuck can you do about pantyhose that are too long? Tie at knot at your toes and just tuck the excess under your foot? Let me tell you, that is not really all that comfortable. And there’s nothing sexy about having something at the end of your foot that looks like a sheer black artificial foreskin flopping around. (more…)

Melancholy…

My Mema died this weekend.

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Ain’t No Harem Small Enough

Here’s a super lazy update on the situation with the Hot Single Dad because… I’m exhausted from thinking about it. I’m sure I’ll pontificate more on it later. (more…)

A Product of Circumstance

I remember when my exhusband and I first split up… Or rather, when he left and I was blindsided by the whole thing. I remember the whirl of the mix of trying to be sensible and make plans and arrangements for a new life, but it’s not until now — when I see my married friends struggling in their unions and ending their commitments to one another — that I think about the deep, in my gut hollow feeling of abandonment. It was crippling and not just emotional, but a physical response to the grief. Like mourning the loss of a loved one — because that’s what it really is… Even if you can find a way to remain amicable in your breakup, that person that you loved and married and shared a bed and a life and a home with, that person has died. They do not exist anymore. (more…)